Anxiety

 

I have recently been through a bout of what the doctors call anxiety.  Its not over just yet, but is much better. Allow me to explain exactly what that means. 

Our brains are highly developed organs.  Except for a part called the amygdala. That part is quite primitive and not at all sophisticated. It is where our “flight or fight” response originates.  It is also where we experience anxiety. That is the simple explanation.

Now, anxiety is not a bad thing.  If you are being chased by a bear, or your house is on fire, that is.  God gave us that as a safety mechanism.  But our amygdala doesn’t know the difference between a real threat and an imagined one. As parts of our brains go, it is pretty dumb. 

That is where the problem comes in.  If it signals for certain reactions in our bodies, those reactions might be “on” all the time.  Then we experience panic, or anxiety attacks, or are in a constant state of agitation.  It effects our sleep, our appetites, etc., etc., etc. 

So much for the simple explanation. 

Now, allow me to tell you what anxiety is not.  It is not merely “worry.”   Worry doesn’t always invoke a physiological reaction.   However, when we worry constantly, our very unsophisticated amygdala can’t tell the difference, and its off to the races.

When you tell people what you are experiencing, however, they always ask, “What are you anxious about?”  They cannot understand that one doesn’t have to be anxious about anything in particular but is often anxious about everything.

I can tell you that, unless you have experienced it, you can’t completely understand. 

So, what can be done? 

There are a lot of things.   The first, and most obvious is to see a doctor. Doctors can prescribe meds to help you sleep, or to treat anxiety.  Remember that these are, at best, short-term solutions. 

Of more long-term help are counselors or therapists. They can help one learn to cope with the anxiety, which will help enable your brain to establish new neural pathways, ones that can differentiate between something that is a real threat, and every day, ordinary sorts of stressors. Your brain, by the way establishes new pathways all the time.  Its how we learn things.  

Often, they will use techniques called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that will teach you what you need to know to establish new pathways. It is, obviously, much easier to take a pill, but drugs have side effects that often do not go away as they should, and can even be a deterrent to real healing. 

So, let me tell you about my experience, and where I am in the process of healing.

 

On top of the whole COVID 19 thing, earlier this year, I experienced health problems.  First, a bout of microscopic colitis that went undiagnosed and untreated for a month because the doctor insisted that a long overdue colonoscopy be done to rule out cancer, and it was a few weeks before it could be scheduled.  Enough about that. Suffice it to say that, even after the procedure—where no cancer was found—I was still unable to see the doctor, so I changed doctors. 

Just a couple weeks after I finished the treatment the second doctor had prescribed, I began to have a lot of trouble sleeping.  It may have been related to the corticosteroids used to treat it,  but who can say? About two weeks later, I ended up spending the night in a hospital due to a bout of AFIB.   

You can read about that whole experience here.

I continued to have trouble sleeping, and one thing apparently lead to another. My amygdala decided on its own that I was surrounded by threats.

My doctor prescribed a sleeping drug, zolpidem, as I thought that I could manage the anxiety if I could sleep.  That did actually work for a while, but my amygdala felt that it was not to be taken lightly, and soon sleep wasn’t enough.  The doctor prescribed a common anti-anxiety drug, which wasn’t very effective, then another, which gave me terrible headaches. 

Then, he prescribed one (escitalopram) that I was reluctant to take, as it could not be started and stopped easily.  I took it, and it was almost a month before I felt any different. The side effects were awful, to boot. 

In the meantime, I found an excellent faith-based counselor, who was not covered by my insurance.  My instincts told me that he was to be a good match, so I decided that I would pay for the sessions out of pocket.  That turned out to be an excellent decision.

The counselor has taught me numerous ways to handle the anxiety.   He has introduced me to the practice of “mindfulness”, but from a perspective that is in line with my Catholic faith.  He recommended a book by Dr. Gregory Bottaro, called “The Mindful Catholic”.  That book has proven to have been a true blessing.  I have read it three times, practiced the exercises found in it, and was recently able to stop taking the medication that I did not want to take, which I attribute to practicing what my counselor has taught me.   

So, as I write this, I am experiencing some slight “withdrawal” symptoms from. I think, having stopped the drug, but I am confident that these will pass in a short time.

 

From all this, I have learned that:  

If I had taken a better look at my life and seen how blessed the Lord has made me way back when all this started, and not focused on the few bad things that were happening to me, anxiety might not have taken hold. 

DO NOT, no matter how hard it is to do, stop living your life.  We are made to live, not cower in fear.  If nothing else, we should have learned from COVID just how fragile life is.  . 

If you are so blessed, there is one person who will be right at your side, from whom you can draw courage.  They may not understand what you are feeling, but it doesn’t matter.  They know that you need them, and they are at your side. 

            I have learned the value of a good counselor, especially one who shares my values and faith.

             Speaking of faith, I have learned much about the value of prayer, and just how rich my Catholic faith is.  (I have written about prayer in past blog entries, by the way.)

            I have learned that the right medication can help, but only in the short term.  Behavior has to change if you truly want to heal, and that is where counseling is of immeasurable value. 

            I hope that I was able to shed some light on this for anyone who is going thru it.  It can and will get better, but you’ll have to work at it.

May God bless you in everything you do.